I was lying down, wasted, it was 6 am and the sun was coming out over the as of yet dark waters of Atlantis, lake Atitlan. I had been up until now doing, God knows what. I was supposed to be in bed but somewhere along the way I got lost. Getting up was not an option anymore so I decided to tire myself on thought until I’d fall asleep, right here on the lakeside.
Old San Marcus boat pier
The first thought that came to mind was, why was I so wasted, why in fact had I been wasted for the fifth consecutive day this last week culminating in this fiasco in which I was so afraid of getting up I was about to drop to sleep on the sand. Was I in love with someone that didn’t return my affections? Not likely. What could it be then? I wracked my mind but could come to no conclusion. Was it the disappearance of the American bald eagle, the impending disappearance of the white rhinos, the pending war on Iraq, the state of fiscal affairs between first and third world countries? No, all this didn’t mean that much to me, really! So, what could it be? The future?
On hitting this thought the lake’s black duck made its appearance; it was out and about. During this time of the morning it was usually on patrol, guarding this piece of the beach, or that, and as a fairly new newcomer I was confronted face on, now, Rumors had it that Donald was a ferocious duck, he had already thrown out of the blue pecking rampages at several tourists and set naval siege to more then a dozen fisherman boats threatening to sink them if they dared the attempt to come ashore, usually at this point I would choose caution and back off but this time my mind was too much a volatile mixture of iry and cocky to back off so instead I started a conversation.
Donald: quack quack.
Me: Donald, you are one pretty duck.
Donald: quack?
Me: Yep, you, would you like me to take some pictures of you, you look extremely good today.
Donald: quack.
Me: That’s awfully white of you, hey, do you think you could do it nude, would make the shoot a lot more artistic.
Donald: quack, quack quack.
Me: That you are, Donald, that you are.
And here a photo shoot was launched where Donald paraded around me and I snapped photos blurting sentances like “Yeah, baby, raw sexual energy”, “You and me, we’re gonna go places” or “pure Vogue material!” and the like. After several minutes of this, Donald went off for a swim and I lay back on the soft sand and stared at the clouds parting and the sun’s first rays hitting my weary eyes starting a process that would send me soon to sleep, diffusion and annealing, Unperceivably the face of a monkey materialized in the clouds and a voice started booming inside my head.
God: I am the lord thy god, shed the shoes from thy feet for the land you tread on like any other land is holy land, ooh yeah!
Me: Fuck off!
God: What was that?
Me: I thought you were supposed to be all knowing, not deaf, you heard me, fuck off!
God: Is that any way to treat the creator?
Me: The one creator, you? And how exactly am I supposed to know that I’m not imagining you, you know I’ve been doing a lot of drugs lately…
God: Imagining me?! Imagine the nerve of this little prick. But I’m talking straight to you, you dimwit, listen, I haven’t got all day, you know, I’ve got a lot on my mind…
Me: Yeah I know you’re talking to me but how do I know I’m not talking to myself, I mean, the mind is an extremely powerful tool and besides the mind is especially powerful when it has good cause to fool itself and… well, I’ve been lacking some serious guidance lately, in short, I wouldn’t put self deception or reality distortion passed myself… neither.
God: You know, Doron, ever since psychology was invented there’s always some bullshit self defeating logic you simply can’t argue with, or another, it really gets me down sometimes. But I still have my fun. You know what I do to people who think up these types of God awful thoughts?
Me: Give them hell?
God: Nothing so Cliche.
Me: Humor me.
God: I just let them. They usually take care of the hell part themselves.
(Long pause)
Me: Hey, I’ve got an idea, talk to me in Japanese!
God: Why? You don’t speak Japanese!
Me: That’s exactly the point, if you talk to me in Japanese I’ll know I didn’t make it all up, I can’t speak a damn word of it. It’s all Chinese to me.
God: Well then, if you can’t speak a word of it how will you know I’m not talking gibberish that sounds like Japanese?
Me: Good point. How about if you speak some language I speak half ways like French or Arabic, better then me, I could tell if you were faking it.
God: The only state in which you can talk to me is a state you can not make such distinctions.
Me: So?
God: This won’t work either.
Me: Touche, Jehovah, Touche. Well then, nothing can be proven?
God: Afraid so, and besides I’m afraid talking to you in a language you don’t know will make for a really bad conversation. I could give you a mathematical theorem not proven yet or something of the sort but that would really be like removing a wart with the H-bomb and you won’t remember by morning.
Me: Well I don’t care I still need some proof.
God: Listen, you could ask me for instance what’s the first site hit you get on http://www.webcrawler.com when you search for “big natural boobs porn interracial gang bang bukkake”.
Me: OK, so what will I get?
God: You know. You humans sometimes really make me sick. Listen, schmuck. I’m really God damn tired of your crap, all I came for was to tell you that the guidance you seek is that you should study linguistics and later become a writer, see you later, bye…
Me: Wait!!! What’s the first site you get when you search for “big natural boobs porn interracial gang bang bukkake” on http://www.webcrawler.com?
Me: You know all of this is not really out of the blue, I have been thinking of becoming a writer lately. Wait!!! For all I know I could still be talking to myself!!!
God (in a vanishing voice): And would that really make such a difference?
And I opened my eyes to clouds, instead of a monkey, now, the face of a withered old man was staring at me through dead white eyes and the voice was silent and the sun was out and I fell asleep from the warmth of it all… lastly… thinking…
What happened to you little monkey of me?
Did you evolve into a man?
Pity you.
And may god have mercy on your soul.
DVOcean 